Is attachment parenting degrading to women?!

There has been a lot of controversy this week regarding attachment parenting mainly spurred by this picture:

Time magazine decided to do an article regarding attachment parenting. They could have chosen a baby wearing father, a couple bed-sharing with a baby or even a mother and baby having skin to skin after the birth...but no they choose an attractive woman breastfeeding her son, standing up to the breast.

The caption 'ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?' implies, on the surface, that not feeding your child until they can stand is just not good enough. So no wonder there was such emotive discussions going on around the web regarding this. Time Magazine are just selling magazines, I am sure many will buy this just because of the cover, they are intrigued as its something that appears out of the ordinary, when in fact the boy on the cover is not even 4 years old...the average age for weaning weaning from the breast world wide is around 4 years so really it's quite strange that this is a rare sight...

But getting back on topic these are some comments I have seen around the web this weekend:

 "Is that woman really breastfeeding? Her breasts don't look like they're producing any milk to me, they're far too small - even flat chested women have serious cleavage when they're breastfeeding (I speak from experience).

WHO guidelines are surely aimed at women in countries where there is limited access to clean water for making up formula and where there is a strong likelihood of malnutrition.
In my view if the child is old enough to ask, they're old enough to drink out of cup."

"I have not had a child, but isn't three a bit old to still be breastfeeding? That is what bothers me about this picture, not the act in itself."

"I think that so called 'attachment parenting' was created by mothers who have children in order to automatically fill a void in their lives by encouraging unnatural dependency. It's an excuse to not do anything else with your life, a glorified extension of the burnt toast and coffee dedication to motherhood that has never been more than a way out for women who have no other ambitions.These people have turned mothering into a dogma. Most healthy women can be a great UN-attatched mother and still be dedicated and raise happy Independent children."

 "The reason why this photo shocks us it is because the boy is a boy, and of higher than average height, and, most of all because he does not touch his mother while at her breast and looks at us. The boy is a big three year old, the mother looks like a fashion model rather than a mother. Everything is "not your average" so to speak. Now try to put an average height three year old, who does not look at us and actually touches his mother, (lets say he is in her arms rather than on a chair) and put an average mother as the model .The picture would be more representative and less shocking. I am tired of shocking magazine covers, ..I am sure they sell more than others but the price we pay as a society is that reality is misrepresented by the very people who should inform us."

 Then this one which really prompted me to write this:

"My generation fought for what women have nowadays; careers, contraceptives, busy lives, relationships without marriage, equality and freedom. NOW there are a load of lazy hippy mothers WANTING to undo all that fight and stay at home to breastfeed their babies until school age, carry them around, sleep with them until the child wants to leave the bed and even home school them when there is a perfectly good education system. And that's not all. They are trying to guilt-trip all mothers into doing the same by implying that a mother who wants children AND a life is less of a mother and damaging to her child. Why? Attachment parenting is DEGRADING to women."

So is attachment parenting degrading to women? As they cite Dr William Sears in the article lets have a look at his '7 b's of attachment parenting' and use these to clarify attachment parenting and hopefully rid some myths...

1. Birth Bonding

So baby is born and its encouraged to have skin to skin as soon after the baby is born to promote breastfeeding and attachment. There are benefits to mother and baby and Dad can also have skin to skin. In the UK skin to skin is promoted as part of the Baby Friendly Initiative to aid breastfeeding so is certainly not limited to attachment parent types.

Is birth bonding degrading to women? In my opinion - no.

2. Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is very protective. Formula feeding increases the mothers chance of cancer, diabetes and osteoporosis and the childs chance of leukemia, type diabetes, allergies and hospitalisation in childhood. Granted breastfeeding means you have to be with your baby as much as possible so does mean the mother will find it more difficult (but not impossible) to jet off for the weekend or work full time but surely it is up to the individual to decide what is best for them? And since when did knowing the facts = judgement?


Is breastfeeding degrading to women? No - if you ask me all the undermining the formula industry do is far more degrading to women than breastfeeding.

3. Babywearing


Wearing baby in a sling has many benefits, I would say it gives me MORE freedom. I can get about easily (no need to worry about steps etc for buggies), its easier than putting a buggy up and down in the rain (I put sling on before we leave the house), I can breastfeed on the go and my baby is happier, she can see the world and be close to me. Possibly though a very important point is that fathers/partners/grandparents etc can all do this, not just mum has to wear the baby.


Is baby wearing degrading to women? Hell no! If anything it gives women more freedom.

4. Bedding close to baby

Co-sleeping doesn't have to mean bed-sharing. Baby can be in a cot in your room, a sidecar option or in bed with you some of the night. Co-sleeping provides protection against SIDS, aids breastfeeding and makes life easier for mum (or dad) during night feeds. 

Is sleeping in the same room as your baby degrading to women? I cannot see how. I think most mothers would welcome the fact it was protective against SIDS if nothing else.

5. Belief in the value of your babies cry

Dr Sears states 'responding to your babies cries builds trust'. To me this is logical. We are mammals and not designed to expel unnecessary energy. In my opinion babies cry for a reason and yes sometimes that may just be for a cuddle. It doesn't have to be mum that responds as long as they are responded to.

Is responding to your babies cries degrading to women? No but surely not responding is degrading to your baby...

6. Beware of baby trainers

Baby trainers often advise strict routines, scheduled feedings, sleep training methods which involve ignoring baby's cries, putting baby down as often as possible and even avoiding eye contact - all of which puts distance between mother and child and undermines the mothers ability to learn her own baby's cues this again is not limited to mothers. 

Is being aware of baby trainers degrading to women? Quite the opposite, baby trainers feel babies should all fit the same mold and mothers who feel their baby doesn't do as the book says at 3pm could end up feeling that they are doing something wrong - baby trainers are degrading to women.

7. Balance

That's right, its not all about the baby all the time. Mum gets a look in too. It is important to meet your own needs also and remember that attachment parenting is a guide for promoting healthy attachment which grounds children for life. 

Is balance degrading to women? Again the opposite. It IS possible to be an attached parent and return to work or bottle feed or use a pram or have babe sleep in another room.

The thing many do not realise about attachment parenting is that it is flexible. Dads can promote healthy attachment too and women do not need to stay at home with their children until they leave home. It is just about showing your child love, respect, boundaries and that their needs are met in the hope they grow to feel loved, secure and cherished - with that in kind is this not what all parents want?