An informed choice???

I am going to start this post by apologising - I am sorry but this will not sit nicely with everyone but at the end of the day I am sure many will relate to this...

I have noticed that on forums and Facebook pages there are a few subjects that are guaranteed to fuel fights. The main culprits in my experience are:

• Formula feeding
• Breastfeeding in public
• Spanking/smacking
• Sleep training
• Vaccines

The above categories seem to divide mums into groups, cause arguments and basically upset many involved. (There are far more parenting subjects that do this but this but I think these tend to be the most controversial)

I myself have been involved in these arguments, I try to offer practical advice and links to research to prove my point and never get personal. However, I am often attacked personally just for being armed with information. Information I have had to seek out myself and make an informed choice about - why? because Mums are not given the facts by Health Care Professionals for a start and live in a society full of misinformation and restricted information for fear of offending others.


Let's start with formula feeding...

When pregnant we have it drummed into us that we should breastfeed. We are handed an Off to the best start leaflet and told that it is the best way to feed our babies.


Yet how many Mum's and Mum's-to-be are actually aware that many of the reasons breastfeeding is so much better than formula feeding is due to the fact that the cow's milk protein can actually be attributing factors to:

• Type 1 Diabetes 
• Eczema 
• Asthma 
• Reflux 

Not to mention the fact that many babies have allergies to cows milk protein causing green frothy poo or constipation and rashes. There is also some links to Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Ulcerated Colitis and Crones Disease...scary stuff huh? And if you are thinking that Soy formula is ok then please think again. These few snippets of information may be new to you or you may know of them already, I may have just really pissed you off. You may be feeling guilty as you have a history of one of the above in your family yet formula fed knowing no better. The above list does not even touch on what breastfeeding protects against...I will stop here as this is not an anti formula blog piece and I fully empathise with women who cannot breastfeed whether that be due to a medical reason or lack or support - its all valid.


Sleep training, spoiling babies and brain development...

Many women battle with their babies to get them into a 3 or 4 hourly feeding routine and sleeping 12 hours a night. To do this they often distract baby between feeds using a walk with a pram to try and get baby to sleep or give them some water and then ignore them crying for periods of time at night. This practice is endorsed by many famous authors offering sleep advice.

Yet the first 12 months of a baby's life is crucial in brain development. Being held, their needs consistently met and on demand feeds are all part of the process. This explains it well.

So when we do not meet a child needs, leave them to cry and avoid spoiling them we are actually teaching them not to trust us. That we are not there for them consistently. That sometimes they may go hungry and feel unloved. This then wires their brain for life and their stress response in situations.

Dr Sears explains it like this:

  ''Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs, and they may become children who don't ever speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults.''

You can read his full article here which explains why it is important to 'spoil' your baby - not ignore them!! 

Who wins out of these mothering rifts?

I hadn't really thought much about the answer to this question until now...this really got me thinking...the only people benefiting from information being withheld is the companies that make money from it; Formula Milk Companies, Baby Sleep Train Authors and Pharmaceutical Companies that sell drugs to control conditions such as Diabetes, Asthma and Reflux. Oh and not to mention the Government who have all the tax from the profits of these companies. Coincidental? I personally think not...

Then of course there is Postnatal Depression (PND)

A very serious condition affecting around 10-15% of mothers. Many people do not state the facts in case of offending these women. I have also seen mothers with PND become really upset and use that as an excuse for others to stop giving information. A little while ago this comment was posted on a Breastfeeding vs Formula Feeding debate on Facebook

''Thanks to all the bitchy breastfeeding Mothers I now feel awful. I have bad postnatal depression and do not need to be told that I am an even worse mother than I feel just because I chose to formula feed my baby so I could still have a social life. A night out with my mates relieves my PND a great deal. I hope you are all happy to know now that you have made a depressed mother feel even worse than she feels already. I hate the Breastfeedin bullies - no one wants to see you feed in public, you do it for attention to make others feel bad. I hope one day you feel like a bad mum when your baby grows up needing to eat everytime.''

 This was posted in response to another mother asking why breastfeeding was so great and a breastfeeding mother posting a link to the risks of formula feeding. Up until this point the debate had been quite respectful...because of this onslaught the whole thread turned nasty, Mothers were saying that the lady should not be going out, other Mothers were giving her a virtual 'hi-five' and the page administrator decided to delete the whole thread and ban members who were offensive.


The sad thing about it is that how many Mothers actually are told that breastfeeding/baby wearing/co-sleeping (safely)/natural birth and other traditionally 'attachment parenting' methods have been shown to reduce PND due to strengthening the bond between child and mother and also setting of feel good hormones in both? Should we really deny people the facts that 85% (if not more) of mothers could benefit from for fear of offending?


Smacking/Spanking

Children learn from example...now what happens if their role model and care giver physically punishes them whenever they do something wrong? Ok, they may 'behave' but are they not given the message that its ok to hit people who do not do as we say? 

The NSPCC recognise that smacking is not a good idea. There are numerous studies to show that children who are smacked are likely to be more aggressive, more likely to be secretive towards parents and actually do not behave 'better' unless in sight of their parents (so they behave out of fear not from learning it is wrong. This great piece by Jan Hunt explains the top 10 reasons why you shouldn't hit your children.


So if this is the case why do so many people blame bad behaviour on the absence of the 'cane' in school and the 'PC police' making parents who decide to smack their children feel like child abusers? Again I would say this is because people are not being told the full picture...


Then there is the Vaccine debate...

I personally am at a loss with this...there is so much conflicting information out there regarding vaccinations. I can see both sides of the argument but possibly as research is hard to find when you are just told the benefits from the NHS. The place to have a look to get a really good understanding of the subject is Arnica where they present the research against vaccines - then pair that up with the research for...its definitely something I need to research further and I do not feel I have the right to comment either way until I am in possession of all the pros and cons that I can find. Yet it seems many people make up their mind and attack others choices without being informed, purely because of the way the media showcase parents of unvaccinated children.


So should us mothers really be attacking one another for our choices when we are let down by society for the lack of informed choice?? I think not...